God, Friendship, and Adoption

I met someone today that I have no doubt was brought into my life for an incredible purpose. You know how you meet someone and you feel that something big is about to happen. This was one of those moments! I can't even put it into words but I'm grateful that God brought Jen Keller into my life today.

I stumbled upon her blog through another blog I read, one thing let to another, and we began to correspond via email. When I found out she lived only a few hours a way and would be in KC for a medical appointment for her daughter, I quickly arranged for a coffee meeting!

Jenn and her husband Nick have 7 beautiful children, 6 of whom were adopted as drug exposed infants. Jenn is an advocate and public speaker on behalf of drug endangered children. She is currently working on getting a bill passes to protect the unborn from drug exposure in the womb.

This is one phenomenal woman of God! If you have a heart for adoption, and would like to learn more about drug exposure in newbornq. Or even if the thought scares you, and you'd like more information and education on the issue, please check out Jenn's blog and leave a comment with your email address!

What Happened to My Baby?

Time flies when you're in love. Just look at her! Every day I marvel at the goodness of the Lord. Every day I thank Him for His grace and His mercy in blessing us with this little girl. Every day I stand in awe that He trusted us with this precious life, and I ask Him for strength to love her and raise her well. I feel I am standing before one who will be truly great in the Kingdom of God.

Happy Valentines Day

photo by Nick Loux

My Husband Makes Me Laugh

Tonight John posted on his blog and then commented, "158 people read my blog this week."
I said "Wow, that's cool"
He said, "How many people read your blog in a week."
I said, "I don't know, I'll check....." short pause "716."
He said, "Are you kidding? Man, you could start a church!"

See, what I mean, he totally makes me laugh!

Happy Valentines Day

Be Still My Heart

This is my view this morning as I sip my coffee and enjoy the quiet of the house. My kids are sleeping in a bit, which I encourage on Friday mornings. I'm reminded this morning that in the swirl of all that I do, all that keeps me busy (which is much these days), that I need not neglect the moments of stillness. My heart yearns to be still and know that He is God.

Be still and know that He is God, that He longs for you, and desires your company today!

Kansas City Fall

I'm a Pennsylvania girl, and I miss Fall in the northeast. We moved into this house in January, and I was quite thrilled this fall when the huge trees in my back yard were painted wonderful shades of red, orange and gold! It did my heart good! I took this photo just a couple of days ago. I know we need to rake at some point, but I'm not in a hurry.

Jesus Went Grocery Shopping for Us

Our move here has been a huge transition. We've had to learn to rely on the Lord in new ways and have seen many MIRACLES of provision, especially over the last 8 months.

The Lord miraculously provided $15,000 for Elia's adoption.

The Lord "gave us" our vacation this summer, the day before we were scheduled to leave and had no money to go.

The Lord "gave us" Christmas money for our kids gifts last year, during a season where it would have been impossible to buy them gifts if He hadn't come through.

I could go on.

But yesterday Jesus went grocery shopping for us. At least that's what John said, when he walked in to the kitchen to see the shelves of the refrigerator brimming, and two enormous boxes of food on our kitchen floor. It's not just that someone decided to bless us, it's that we could literally see the kiss of God in it.

The boxes still sit unpacked on my kitchen floor. Why? Not because I'm too tired to put them away, but because I just need to keep looking down and seeing the love of God today.

You see, in addition to the many practical/necessary things that are in these boxes, there are also some of my families absolute "FAVORITE" things, and things I typically don't splurge on anymore. In the box was BEEF JERKY (John's absolute favorite snack), Sour Gummy worms (Nick's favorite), other favorite candies and snacks, and OREOS! Not to mention everyone's favorite kind of cereal- even MINE (Kashi Crunch!)

So today I am reminded that Jesus Loves us enough to go grocery shopping for us! (He actually sent a lovely assistant, but He told her exactly what to get!) Oh, and did I mention HE made us dinner too (compliments of the same lovely assistant!)

Little Foxes and Fruitless Branches

We've been taking time each evening to read and discuss the Word with the kids and to have times of family worship. A few nights ago we read Song of Solomon 2:15 "Catch us for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards." We had an amazing time talking and praying together about the little foxes that affect the fruit of our lives. We put our finger on one area we had all struggled with... the issue of "vain imaginations."

Part of our discussion was that as a creative family, the Lord has blessed each of us with great imaginations. This is good! However, the enemy can tend to attack in the area of the mind for that very reason. We pin-pointed things like times when we playing a movie in our mind of what we would say to someone we are angry with if we could, and we called it sin. Playing that movie in our mind is the same as reality to God. The thoughts and intentions of our heart are no different to Him than taking that same action and walking it out. That's a tough one folks!

We talked about pride in the area of the imagination. Imagining things like "what if so and so noticed that I could sing/play really well and wanted me to sing/play on their worship team" or "what if this person thought I was _____ (you fill in the blank)." Dwelling on those "imaginations" to make ourselves feel good is pride.

Part of this fast is about exposing the little foxes that sneak in without being noticed and attempt to destroy our hearts. We really do want them exposed, but it hurts doesn't it. It hurts a bit to say, "I long for the approval of man more than the unconditional acceptance of God" or "I have anger in my heart toward others and I am quick to take up offense." OUCH!

But last night we read from Luke 15 about our Father the gardener who "prunes so that we will be more fruitful." We want Him to do a thorough pruning in our lives so that we will bear much fruit and walk in true humility and love. After Jesus talks about the pruning process He says this, "I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last."

So we say, "Come Lord Jesus, prune our hearts and expose the little foxes that have attempted to spoil the vine. We want more of you! We thank you for choosing us and calling us friends."

The Dumping Room

I was cleaning out the "dumping room" this afternoon a little bit. It happens to be the "family room" that isn't really a family room yet because we have no furniture for it. So it has become the room where I have put all the "stuff" that I didn't want to immediately deal with in the midst of dealing with other priorities. There are priority rooms when you move, like the kitchen, the living room, and bedrooms; and then there's the "stuff", the hodgepodge of things you really wish just didn't exsist, but still need to be dealt with. Today I faced the giant. I found much of it was simple garbage! Why do I always end up moving garbage? Some was long-lost, good stuff, stuff that has amazingly good memories attached to it. Things like good books and photo albums found their way to the built in book cases. And the rest... well some got designated to specific rooms, and some got thrown into a "to sort out later bin".

Anyway, I say that all to say this: I started seeing my heart as much like a house today. He does after all call us his "dwelling place". I've taken care of some of the important rooms, or at least the ones that look important, or get noticed immediately. But I've also had a "dumping room", a place where I put all the "stuff I don't want to deal with just yet". I'm feeling the need to deal with the piles in those rooms of my heart. I think it's time to get rid of the garbage that I've moved from room to room, from season to season, and have still failed to dump. I think it's time to pull out some of the good stuff that's been hidden in the rubble and enjoy it again. I think it's time to get to the stuff that's just been stored for a very long time because it didn't have a place to go, and find room for it. And I think if it's ok with God, I'll allow my self to have a "to sort out later bin", for the stuff I'm not ready to face just yet.

He's good that way. He is so good that when we bring our hearts to Him, He knows exactly what we're ready to "sort out", and He knows that there are times we need the grace of having a "to sort out later bin".

Fighting for My Heart

Matthew 7:3-5
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Why is that so hard...focusing on walking out the pruning of my own heart, and not the hearts of others? I was talking with a wise man some time ago, and he reminded me that the stuff I'm going through now is preparation for the age to come. Although some of the stuff we walk out may have validity and purpose in this age, much of it is for the age to come. If I can learn to walk through trial and hardship with humility and grace in this age, if I can face pain without offense, or at least quickly get that plank out of my eye when offense does rear up, then I will have authority in that area in the age to come!

I had honestly never looked at those verses in that light. If I will in this age, remove the plank in my eye, or set my heart towards living a Sermon on the Mount Lifestyle, then in the age to come I will walk in authority over all I have fought for in this age.

I'm fighting for my heart today. And today the fight seems harder than most! But I am choosing to fix my eyes on the prize.

Wonder Woman

Some things will just have to wait. After all, I really am just one person. Since I couldn't figure out how to schedule two physicals, one eye appoinment, two overnights stays in the hospital with my niece, two trips to the mortage company regarding our house loan, one birthday party, creating a schedule for the FMA booth at Onething, writing a Christmas newsletter, updating my website, getting my laundry done, feeding my children, teaching them something this week........ AND filing out the remainder of my homestudy paper work, getting fingerprinted for FBI clearances, running to Jefferson CIty for the state clearances, and well, just being a nice person. I decided to forego the trip to Jefferson City until a later date, call a snow day for tomorrow even though we are homeschooled, and take a little more time with that pile of paperwork. The stuff on the first half of the list is not negotiable, so I'll pull my Wonderwoman cape out of the closet and tomorrow will be another day!

Meanwhile, I'm needing to lean on my Beloved and not forget that He cares about my heart and is interceding on my behalf.
And I'm so glad he doesn't expect me to be Wonderwoman.

Today, on the way to visit her daughter in the hospital in the midst of an ice storm, my sister-in-law Renee had a car accident with three of her five daughters in the van with her. They are alright, although Renee is hurting quite badly from hitting the steering wheel and from the seat belt impact. When the van came to a stop, Michaela, my 6 year old neice said "Are we dead yet?" - Even in the midst of extreme pain and the trauma of the accident Renee couldn't help but laugh!

So, I was wondering, how many times when the stuff of live "impacts" us in painful ways, do we think "God am I dead yet?" And how many times does he chuckle even in the midst of it knowing that he is using even our struggles to allow us to become more like him.

Morning

I love quiet mornings. They don't seem to happen very often, but when they do, I soak it right in.

John is out the door for worship rehearsal this morning; the FMA team is leading worship today. (by the way, check out Forerunner Music Academy at www.ihop.org). I'm excited because it's the first time they've played with the newly formed orchestra and the student choir!

The kids are all still sleeping after a late night at the Plaza seeing Christmas lights and drinking rather horrid drinks from Starbucks. Let's just put it this way... when the line at Starbucks reaches the door, I just wouldn't get in that line. What you get at the end of the long wait, is a really lukewarm, weak, somewhat tasteless beverage, and it's really downright disappointing. However, the most redeeming factor in the whole waiting in line for really bad coffee scenario is that it can be chalked up as quality time with good friends! And that is always good, even if your coffee ends up in the trash!

I also had the privilege of conducting story hour at Barnes and Noble last night. Now granted, no one asked me to conduct story hour, but when you are cheered on by six rather awesome children, and three, well, three larger children disguised in grown up bodies, what's a girl to do. So I whipped out my teacher voice and pulled up a chair for the reading of "Walter the Farting Dog". I'm not sure what the other happy shoppers at B&N's thought of us, but I'm pretty sure none of us cared! We had a grand time! And if you are intrigued by the title, be advised, there is an entire series about Walter, and yes, he does actual FART in each happy tale. Farting is kind of like his "super power".

Anyway, I'm totally off the subject of my quiet morning! I'm now in the company of one fine young man and a kitty.

Oh, and just for fun, I bought baby clothes last night for our soon coming little one! My first baby purchase! Yippee!
And I mailed out a huge stack of pink envelopes yesterday announcing our adoption plans. Pray for us, and we trust God for all the necessary finances to come in for the adoption!

Thankful

Today I am thankful for God's unconditional Love, for His grace and mercy that continually follows me, and for the tenderness of His discipline and instruction in my life.

I am thankful for an amazing family and for dear friends.
I am thankful for the warmth of the sun shining into my kitchen, and the coolness of the breeze.

I'm thankful for the loud drumming that is coming up from my basement, reminding me of my amazing son.
I'm thankful for the curly, blonde headed boy sitting at my side, who's heart is pure gold!
I'm thankful for the wild, little girl who whipped up a "Thanksgiving Play" to make us all laugh.

I'm thankful for my husband who is opening many cans of green beans and mushroom soup in the kitchen. I am thankful for his amazing heart, his constant endeavor to keep before the throne of God, and his willingness to cry out for help when the walk gets rough. I'm thankful for his sense of humor, his willingness to listen to my heart, and his kindness with our children.

I'm thankful for the soon coming little one who will change our lives forever, and I ask God today to overshadow her and protect her in everyway. I am so thankful that favor has shined upon this adoption process so beautifully! We eagerly await the day we will hold her forever!